I hear it time and time again: The image of the traditional housewife is both unrealistic and completely unobtainable for any person to achieve.
The argument is that no person on the planet is capable of stepping out of the pages of something like The Good Wife's Guide and being the immaculate "Traditional Housewife" that women in particular are expected to be; that the expectations placed on them are unrealistic and are ultimately unobtainable for any singular person in existence.
While The Good Wife's Guide itself is complete and utter bullshit; a myth invented through a series of chain emails in the 1990's, which never actually existed in the 1950's that it claims to have originated in? The argument surrounding it does actually have a lot of merit. Furthermore, it might indeed be true for some people- though certainly not all (as with everything there are plenty of exceptions to history) ... But not everyone can do it, after all.
Disabilities, careers, mental illnesses, finances ... There are all number of valid things which may ultimately stop people in their tracks and prevent someone from actively taking on any kind of a domestic role- including a person's own desires. And the desire not to be a Homemaker is just as valid as the desire to be one; it is unfair to expect or demand that these people take on such a burden- or worse: Tell them that they're unable to do it simply because "they're not trying hard enough".
I'll be the first to admit that as someone who lives this lifestyle daily, I'm not perfect. There are days when only a few things get done around the house, or nothing even gets done at all; days when my Chronic Fatigue means I can barely get out of bed, or my Depression makes me think that it is worthless to even try; times my OCD is so bad that not doing anything is so much better than attempting to do it all and going out of my mind for it.
Expecting myself to be perfect all of the time is really the unrealistic bit; life happens. Mental Illness happens. And everybody needs a day- or week- to themselves every now and again. That's just how it is- and more importantly, that's how it was back then, too; something that gets ignored and erased a lot when talking about the history of Homemakers.
But when I am able, I can actually attest to the fact that being a so-called "Traditional Housewife" is genuinely not actually as difficult as it is cracked up to be. There certainly are some requirements- and it's definitely not a lifestyle for everyone. But as a general concept? It's not nearly as unobtainable or unrealistic as people think that it is. You can actually wear your heels, skirts, and pearls, put on your makeup and do your hair, clean the house, and have supper on the table when your spouse gets home, if you want to. And I know because I'm disabled, and I have been living my life like this quite happily for the past few years.
In my own adventures, however, I've found that there's a few key things which really make or break the whole thing. Those things are ultimately a good set of time management skills, a good routine or schedule, and knowing what your limits are and when to take a damned break; your own personal drive to do it can make all the difference as well.
⚶ Personal Drive ⚶
The biggest factor is one's drive to do something- and in their want to do it in the first place. And ultimately you have to want to be here- and you have to derive some sort of personal joy and satisfaction from it ... Otherwise it simply won't work; hands down, if you don't want to do it, then you will fail at doing so, and that's really all there is to it.
So ask yourself, before you delve any further, if you really want to be a Homemaker in the first place- or, at least, if this is the kind of lifestyle that you can learn to genuinely enjoy and derive fulfilment from. If the answer is yes, then that's amazing! But if you don't want to do it, or you don't think you could learn to appreciate it with time, then don't do it; if there are other options available to you, then never be afraid to say no to homemaking. That is, after all, why we fight for choice in the first place.
⚶ A Realistic Evaluation ⚶
Ask yourself what kind of Homemaker you want to be ... Are you ok with just doing basics occasionally? Do you really want to go the extra mile and become that perfect "Homemaker" like in those old-timey advertisements; the propaganda? Or do you fall into some kind of a gray are between the two?
Being realistic about what you're capable of is another important factor. This isn't easy for some people to obtain- and for others it really is outright impossible; it may very well be that you have to reconcile the want to be the perfect Homemaker with the reality that there are mitigating factors outside of your control which mean that you're stuck being the one that maybe mops the floors once a year if you're lucky.
And that's okay! Despite what anyone may say, there's no shame in this. So be realistic about how many hours a day you can actually dedicate to it; how many spoons you have, and more- and if you simply can't do it? You're no less a Homemaker, a person, or a spouse because of it.
Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of expecting more of yourself than you can actually handle, or ultimately you will wind up miserable in the end.
⚶ Time Management and Routine ⚶
Regardless of where you land on the spectrum of capability, the reality is that getting everything done in a day is a learned skill. And like any skill, it has to be cultivated- frequently, and through a lot of trial and error. And the main key in this is how you ultimately manage your time. This ties in to creating a routine that works the best for you; that allows you to get everything done efficiently.
You should prioritize what's important to you, however. For instance: If you want to be the Homemaker that looks well put together, then try to find ways to make your personal appearance a morning priority before anything else gets done. If you're the Homemaker that wants to have dinner on the table by the time their Spouse gets home, try investing in Meal Planning and Meal Prep, and familiarize yourself with your Husband's schedule: When he usually gets off work, how long his commute is, and more.
There are certainly several options to make it all work- you just have to find the options that work best for you, specifically. Regardless, without good time management skills, you cannot create an efficient and effective routine. And without a good routine you will become exhausted and you will be overworked- and ultimately you will eventually fail at the task you set before yourself.
A well done and efficient routine is one which ultimately gets the work done, also gives you plenty of time to invest in your Spouse and Children as a couple, and also allows you plenty of time to invest in personal interests and hobbies, your social life, any work-from-home opportunities you want to pursue (if you even want to pursue them), plus anything else you want to invest in; being a Homemaker, after all, doesn't mean being a shut-in hermit wholly dedicated to no one but their spouse and children- and it never did even back then.
⚶ Frequent Self Care ⚶
I'm also a major proponent of the idea that being a Homemaker is an actual career in and of itself, regardless of whether or not any of us actually get paid to do it. And if my Husband gets two days off from work each week? Then I deserve two days off myself as well. So I recommend the same to others: Set aside two days a week at minimum- and this really is not negotiable.
Out of these two days, the first (in my opinion, at least) should be set aside to focus solely on you alone, as an individual. This means hanging up the apron, and leaving the dishes for another day; it means burying your nose in a good book, breaking out the bubble bath, digging into the icecream, and binging on your favorite shows all day ... Or whatever else "you time" might mean to you.
The second, however, should be devoted to you and your Spouse or your family; you both spend the rest of the week working so hard that sometimes that- especially in today's society- it is hard to find time for each other. So turn off your cellphones, have a Penny Date, play a card game together, talk about your marriage, or just generally spend some time around each other in quiet company.
You need a little you time, if you know what I mean- and you and your Spouse need a little you time, too. Without it, becoming overworked and exhausted (and miserable by extension) is almost guaranteed. Yes, even with the most immaculate routine in place and all the drive in the world.
It all sounds simple- and once you get the hang of it, it actually is. But it's a frightening concept for most that scares them away. It shouldn't, however.
It goes without saying that it won't be for everyone. It goes without saying, too, that the image that we have of the 1950's Homemaker is one built on propaganda, that didn't actually exist ... But taking pride in your work as a Homemaker and wishing to achieve perfection in it isn't really any different than others taking pride in and wanting to succeed at any other job. And like any other job, it requires carefully applied dedication and effort.
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