A sentiment I see a lot often when it comes to being a Homemaker comes in two forms. The first is usually something like “I'm a Failure” or “I'm a bad Housewife”, - typically from Homemakers; and the second is often “I'd be a failure if I tried” or “It’s impossible to do"- often from non Homemakers.
The last sentiment in particular often comes from those who think being a good old fashioned Homemaker is a professions which is both unrealistic and unobtainable. The first two sentiments, however, often come from those with their toes- or their whole bodies- in the water already, who (for whatever reason) feel as if they've failed or can’t keep up.
I've already expressed my views on the second set of sentiments often enough- and it suffices simply to say I'm not a fan. But I've never actually addressed the first type of concerns. It's back on my mind again recently, though, after coming across it in WordPress’s own Homemaker tags- specifically from Mrs. Gedhard, who writes:
Some days I feel like I am a complete failure as a housewife *I’m sure my husband would sometimes second those feelings.* When we first got married and I started picturing our house, in my mind it was always clean and cozy. I should have known better. My house is pretty much always messy, I know I’m the worst housewife in history.
It’s distressing to me, to see so many others feel as if there's this much wight on their shoulders- and to see them so discouraged from it. I understand it, though; even I have my own moments like this. In fact, everyone will at least once- even the most meticulously planned Homemaker.
Sure, I talk fairly regularly about the fact that Homemaking is really a lot easier than it seems to those who would make it out to be a consumptive, servile task that allows you no time to yourself. And I stick by that, as a career Homemaker; Homemaking doesn’t have to be a chore that has us rising 3 hours before everyone else and going to bed 3 hours afterwards, consumed with nothing more than everyone else’s needs. And with the right routine and time management skills, it really won’t be.
But regardless of how simple it truly can be, when you get right down to it? Being a Homemaker is still grueling work; homemaking is easily on par with any other labor intensive job in the so called “real” market. And people often don’t realize the sheer amount of work that goes into managing even a small home- let alone the variety of skills needed to do it all.
There's the budgeting and finances, the cleaning, the meal planning, meal prep, and cooking. Then you have the pets and the children if you have them, and their needs. Plus the regular home maintenance like yard work, roofing, plumbing, and so on and so forth. And you have to take care of yourself and your own interests, too. And that's all before getting into any amount of gardening or other actions of self sufficiency that are common among Homemakers; being a Homemaker is comprised of millions of small tasks that on their own don’t seem all that difficult. But when you put them together and realize many need to be completed daily? You quickly realize how time consuming and monumental the ct of Homemaking often is.
Throw in one of the hundreds (if not thousands) of mental and physical health issues that 1 out of every 5 Americans alone suffer from, and it adds a whole new layer of complexity to the equation. To top it off, there's also an intense pressure for Women especially to do it all to absolute perfection- and while I do revel in it personally and feel as if it can indeed be done with a little determination (and a lot of time management and planning)… Sometimes it’s just exhausting.
It’s exhausting, and quite frankly it’s taken for granted and even devalued in our modern, empowered, industrialized society.
Sometimes…..A lot of the time, this is a thankless job. It’s all those little things you do on a daily basis to keep them clean, safe, and happy that they don’t really take notice to, because they don’t really need to. That is our job.
– A Housewifes Work
So here's to you Homemakers who feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks we must accomplish within any given day. And to you, I'd like to say you're not the worst Homemaker in existence- and you certainly aren’t a failure.
So what if the dishes haven’t been done in a week and you’ve eaten takeout for the last 3 days straight? So the laundry didn’t get folded- and at this point you’re better off taking that mountain to the Laundromat just to get it done in a single go (a tip I highly recommend by the way). It doesn’t matter if you’d rather sit and watch Netflix all day despite the fact that you know there are things that need to be done around the house... You're still not a failure.
You are a strong, capable person who provides what is arguably the most important cornerstone of life: A Home; your work, whether others notice it or not, is valuable. More than that, it's valid... But we're not Energizer Bunnies capable of running around beating our drums without a single stop, day in and day out. We're people.
Sometimes people just need motivation; motivation can be in the form of not allowing yourself TV until you have completed at least 3 chores, or as simple as treating yourself to your favorite desert if you get it all done.
Sometimes people need a better routine, or better time management; great time management and planning will do wonders to help you accomplish your goals and manage your work load- and sometimes this means changing your routine entirely in order to ensure that you don’t even have the opportunity to go near the computer until the chores are done.
More important than motivation or routine, though, is the fact that sometimes people just need a break. Taking one doesn’t make you a failure, it reminds you that you are Human and (if you’re willing to listen) teaches you to temporarily prioritize yourself. And prioritizing yourself is an important thing to do; it can be as simple as making sure you’ve eaten lunch before cleaning the house, or telling your friend “no” about that Coffee Date or favor. But other times it can be as complex as letting the house go for a week because you need to recharge.
Either way, the fact of the matter is you can't help others unless you've helped yourself, first… And I'm sure you've likely encountered that a hundred times, but it is true: You must make sure that your own needs and health are attended to before you start concentrating on making sure that others’ are; you'll only damage yourself more in the process if you're not ensuring your own health, safety, sanity, and needs are seen to beforehand.
So no, my dear, wonderful, and amazing Homemaker… You're not a failure. You're simply human– and you're a Human who may or may not feel as if the weight of the world's on your shoulders when it shouldn’t be; a Human who needs a break. Who needs a little encouragement or motivation. Who needs a new game plan. Who needs Gods’ know what. But you're trying- and when it comes to our families and our profession, that's really all anyone can ask of us.