Feminism. Over the years I've been a wife and homemaker, I've noticed that, to the vast majority of those who take on the so called “Traditional” social roles of Homemaking like mine, it tends to be a dirty word; something hissed with venom, and with a vehement insistence that it's "ruined femininity and tradition". Indeed, in several Homemaking Groups I've joined on Facebook, the entrance questionnaire has outright required that I disavow all forms of it in order to even join.
These people have no legitimate experience with Feminism outside of militant forms of Radical Feminism, however- and their limited understanding of what it is clearly shines in these moments. Of course, though, Feminism’s status as being this dirty, extremist, man hating demogorgon is, frankly, its own doing over the last few decades. And anyone who denies as much clearly hasn't been paying attention- or, like me, drank the koolaid (even temporarily).
⚶ The Radical Feminist Problem ⚶
The fact of the matter is that Radical Feminism is the feminist modus operandi, or the main avenue for exposure to Feminist theory in the modern age; for all they like to claim it's really Liberal (or "Lipstick") Feminism that acts as the face- or its heavily strawmanned cousin Choice Feminism- the reality is that we wouldn't have this constant issue of people convinced feminism's the devil if people really were being repeatedly exposed to something like Liberal or Choice Feminist ideology as a baseline; they are, indeed, completely different beasts.
Unfortunately the reality is we’re bombarded day in and day out with messages from militant type Radical Feminists in particular; they're the tenured professors teaching Feminist theory at universities. They're the activists writing widespread think pieces. They're the authors writing academic books and beloved fiction novels alike. They're the ones rewriting the narratives of ye olden days in general. And more; they're loud, and they're vocal, and sometimes (most times) they're even violent... And they practically all sing the exact same tune.
Why? Because Political Lesbians and Radical Feminists won. Because Queer Theorists and Gay Men, and many, many others who weren't them died much larger en mass during the Aids epidemic. And we lost their voices as a result. And it allowed these people to not only create their own narrative, but to completely control it for decades. And that baseline narrative, in their mind, is, at its core, the idea that all men bad, and all women good- unless, of course, the woman supports or cohorts with men.
The very baseline ideology is that anything "traditionally" associated with femininity and womanhood is the product of a patriarchy stretching back practically to the very dawn of human civilization, whose entire purpose of existence is specifically (and only) to oppress women through these avenues- or so they’d happily have you believe, despite that being ahistorical nonsense. Therefore, in order to truly be “empowered Women”, we must become power women who’s sole intent is to break the Glass Ceiling, and do everything that men can, and are socially conditioned, to do. In some strains of Radical Feminism, that does in fact includes completely getting rid of Men altogether.
More specifically, though, we must give up all things which have traditionally been associated with femininity and womanhood itself... Except our uteruses, of course, as those are somehow integral to the experience of womanhood and should be embraced and celebrated with an almost cult-like reverence that, in many ways, damned near verges on the same Natalism that nationalism and similar ideologies promote... Something which isn't shocking at all, actually, once you understand that Radical Feminism has been actively increasing its connection to Right-Wing politics and political groups since its inception. But it's still concerning- and disturbing- none the less.
Factor in Terfs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) and Swerfs (Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminists), and things get even worse; trans men become women "brainwashed as to the limited value of women" to the point they apparently feel the need to shirk the womanhood they're supposed to be proud of and become men. Trans women become men who are simply fetishizing womanhood and seek to infiltrate female circles in order to attack and oppress women in new ways... And that's without getting into the complexities of non-binary genders within the western model- or even non-western gender models altogether. Or even sex work, and how the most undeserved (like them) are the most desperately in need of non-patronizing, non-infantilizing, and non-victimizing help- which Swerfs refuse to give them.
Regardless, the base idea is that we must embrace and celebrate our womanhood- but we must do so specifically by giving up the so called "traditionally feminine" that's historically defined such womanhood (in their mind). And for Westerners, generally that means no makeup, no heels, no corsets, and no skirts, no being a homemaker, and so on- and the Gods help you if you actually like or enjoy any of these things. In that case you’ve been “brainwashed by the Patriarchy” and suffer from “internalized misogyny”. And don't forget the best one: You, personally, as a single individual, are singlehandedly "setting Feminism back decades", apparently.
The idea here is that all social conditioning is the same regardless of culture, location, religion, or anything else. And therefore every single person experiences that social conditioning in the exact same way. Therefore it stands that if you like any of these things, it's because of that conditioning- because no one in their right mind would if they hadn't been conditioned to... As if everything’s black and white and we can’t make up our own fucking minds what we want or enjoy. Nevermind that that nothing is monolithic- not even lived experiences and social conditioning. Especially because of the differences between individuals- but also because of the differences between cultures, locations, religions, and more.
The biggest irony or it all is that they can't understand their behavior isn't all that different from the actions of the very Patriarchy they claim to rally against in the name of "protecting women". But just like how you can lead a Horse to water, but you certainly can’t make it drink? You can’t tell a modern militant Radical Feminist that, and make them understand it. And there’s most certainly a loud and vocal bunch of them who make it their sole duty to tell each and every one of us that everything about us is wrong, and deign to make our lives utter hell to be best of their annoying ability. I don't pull the words in this post from thin air after all.
I've not only encountered more than a few of them myself and heard these exact words multiple times over the years after becoming a full time "traditional" Homemaker. But I've also said them myself as a Militant Radical Feminist before I learned better; I drank the koolaid, believed the lies, and became one of those vitriolic "feminine = brainwashed" types who attacked women for what is essentially nothing more than harmlessly living their lives.
⚶ The Feminist Umbrella ⚶
Thankfully I became better educated on the matter of Feminist theory through a rather liberal friend I met in 2012. And over time, I was shown how hypocritical Radical Feminism was at its core- and how dangerous and damaging Terf and Swerf ideologies were. By the time I married in my mid 20's, I'd finally managed to detach myself from the militant forms of Radical Feminism I'd been indoctrinated into, and started exploring the "traditionally feminine" for myself for the first time- sometimes with bad results (like sipping a little bit of that nationalist koolaid I keep warning everyone about, before realizing that's what I was drinking)- and other times with great results.
From that experience and later education, I can assure people that Radical Feminism, especially in its most militant form that most encounter, the form I myself got sucked into, is incredibly damaging and toxic in many ways, true... But it isn't the be all end all of Feminist theory. In fact, it barely even scratches the surface of it.
Feminism itself isn’t a dirty word, despite the people who do abhorrent things with it. In reality, simplified to its core belief, Feminism is nothing more than the idea that men and women deserve sociopolitical equality. This includes equal opportunities for life paths, equal treatment and respect, and equal social rights, and so on. And it’s needed because while we've made significant amounts of headway over the last several centuries, we don’t currently have that equality in any significant capacity; in many areas we're still considered lesser citizens confined to specific areas of "acceptability" that we're subsequently punished for breaking out of. And that's not how it should be.
Despite all schools of Feminist thought having a common goal, however, Feminism isn’t a single monolithic movement. Just like with everything else on the planet, there's no such thing as black and white here. Instead, things can actually be quite complicated- as most of existence generally is, when you really look at it; it's an incredibly varied umbrella of beliefs, and there are multiple schools of thought which exist beneath its tines.
True, that includes ideologies like Radical and Separatist Feminism, and others that typically give Feminism its bad reputation... But it also includes Choice Feminism (which is what I personally consider myself), Transfeminism, Liberal Feminism, and hundreds more- some of which (like Anarcho-Feminism and Ecofeminism) combine baseline feminist ideology with additional political ideologies to expand their scope; while no one quite agrees on the details of the whens and wheres of some of them, the four waves of Feminism have, over the decades, easily produced an incomprehensible number of ideological schools that can't be properly listed in full.
The ironic bit, is that it's not even just a "Liberal" thing, either. Early waves of Feminism were incredibly Traditional- forms of which do still exist today. More disturbingly, however? With the rise of nationalist infiltration of homemaking circles, the fact that the concept of "family values" is rooted in Eugenics anyways, the fact that Tradwife subculture has always been rather extremist in general, and Radical Feminism's close work with Conservative Christians to pass Trans and Sex Work exclusionary legislation... Feminist ideology has even been increasingly co-opted by the conservative right to promote right-wing ideology in its own twisted way; Feminism is increasingly becoming a right-Wing and Conservative movement... Not a Liberal one.
Regardless, each school of Feminist thought has its own opinions on what the main issue is which women face. Likewise, each has its own ideology concerning how that issue should be tackled, and what it means for women to do so; they all hold differing opinions concerning how to actually achieve the equality that we all seek by virtue of being Feminists, regardless of the school we belong to. But most importantly: All of them can be used for good- or for ill... It simply depends on the person wielding the sword.
⚶ What it All Means ⚶
What I’m trying to say, I suppose, is that there really is more to Feminism than the militant forms of Radical Feminism– the school of Feminist thought from which the vast majority of this sort of hypocritical, violent, and ultimately toxic rhetoric comes; Radical Feminism, for all it’s boisterous animosity, isn't the total sum of the movement. It never was, and it never will be. Nor should it ever be, either, because one singular ideology cannot possibly account for the sheer complexity of life and experience.
Now I won’t say that you should be a Feminist- and I won't lambaste you for not being one, either... But as someone occupying what is considered a "traditional" women's role, who has "traditionally feminine" interests, and still considers herself an avid Feminist? I also don’t want to let these bad apples who wield Feminism as a toxic weapon, take the Feminist label as a whole away from anyone.
I want women in "traditional" roles, with "traditional" interests to know that being a Homemaker or a feminine woman, isn’t inherently antithetical to Feminist Ideology; it’s important for Women (especially Trans Women and those who consider themselves "traditional") to know that they do have a space here- because they do. Especially given the problems and dangers they face from nationalist infiltration, the high potential for the abuse of their bodies and roles at the hands of intimate partners, and more.
I do want more women, especially more "traditional" women, to stop acting so fearful of it based on the bad actors of one stupid group, do ore research, and take up the Feminist titles that actually resonate with them; sometimes finding our place in Feminism just takes digging our knuckles in a little bit deeper to find the school of Feminist ideology that actually matches our thoughts on the matter- and it’s time that we stopped letting other make us think that we can't find one.
I’ll be damned if I’m going to let toxic and vitriolic people from any school of thought shove any woman out of Feminism because they don’t agree with her life choices (regardless of why those choices were made)- and I’ll fight tooth and nail until I'm bloody and blue for it if I damned well have to. Because Feminism is supposed to be about women- and it concerns our rights... No one gets to exclude certain groups of women from that; hyperfeminine or hypermasculine, Trans or Cis, conventionally attractive or not, or anything in between, it doesn't matter. We all belong here, whether those sorts of people like it or not.
If there’s a hill to die on, I'm more than happy to make this one mine.