Elsie, a once friend of mine, was discussing Hospitality on their blog. I admit that I was immensely enjoying her little tips and suggestions- especially as someone who enjoys hosting events at its own residence. One thing she said really struck me off, however.
While discussing cleanliness in the first of her posts on the subject, Elsie stated quite clearly that Hospitality is more than just hosting events and opening your home to others; true Hospitality is a willingness to welcome a person into your home under any circumstances- saying:
And let us be honest, even the best housewives have days where they simply can’t cut it. We are all human. So if the floors are dirty, and the dishes piled up, does this mean you should turn away someone from your home? No, no, and no!
Well said- and I do agree!
Hospitality itself is defined as the warm, friendly, and generous act of receiving, entertaining, and sometimes housing visitors in one's own home. For all intent and purpose, the state of one's home plays no role in that definition ... And yet while I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment that Elsie expressed in her article, I can't help but feel as if we have a tendency to downplay the role that cleanliness does actually have in it.
That might just be because I was raised Southern in more ways than one, and to us our homes (and the state of them) are important. But I believe Mrs. Dunwoody's Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping puts it perfectly when the author says:
Our homes, if we are to live well in them, require and deserve a lifetime of the most careful attention. A home absorbs caretaking like a sponge. All the hours we spend tending to [them] are never in vain, for everything we give to our home, is in turn, given back to us. Our homes will be only as generous and nurturing as the effort we invest in them.
There's no doubt that our housekeeping skills have faltered a bit with the progression of women's work outside of the home ... We do routinely allow our housework to take a back seat to other matters we deem more important- either because of a lack of drive or motivation, energy after a long day, outright skill, or any number of reasons; it's not particularly uncommon now to walk into another's home to see the dishes piled high and the laundry left undone, and not bat an eyelash at it.
That isn't necessarily a bad thing, mind you, despite the various people who continuously bemoan "the fall of society" or whatever other nonsense ... But it is to say that we've put housework last so frequently in our lives over the last half century that this practice has become both acceptable and commonplace. And that may genuinely work for the everyday person just fine. For those who've taken on the role of Homemaker, however, and for whom those roles are paramount; those for whom Hospitality is an important component ... I don't really believe it's a state to roll over and simply accept.
As A. Brillat-Savarin puts it:
To invite a person to your house is to take charge of his happiness for as long as he is under your roof.
While, as truly hospitable people, we certainly shouldn't be turning others away from our homes simply because they're a mess? Welcoming a person into your home under any circumstances (including the state of it) is only a great concept in theory. In practice, however, it doesn't actually wind up working out very well. The point of Hospitality, after all, is to host a guest- and hosting a guest means both attending to their needs as they arise and providing a warm, welcoming environment which is entertaining and joyful to them.
When we remove the emphasis on keeping a clean house properly, we make that far more difficult on ourselves than it needs to be. We therefore inherently remove some portion of the ability to be truly hospitable to the people we're allowing into our home; to provide a welcoming space in which a person may be hosted to the fullest potential and ability of both the Hostess and the environment; to do so properly; hygiene absolutely must be something that a Hostess takes in to consideration- both personally and in terms of their home. Or, as the famed Maud Cooke says in Social Life; Or, The Manners and Customs of Polite Society:
Do not neglect [the] little things if they can affect the comfort of others.
As a result, I personally believe that having a home that remains ready to welcome anyone at any moment is equally as important as the willingness to welcome them into it despite its state in the first place.
That is not to say that I expect a perfect and immaculate environment from others, however. It's completely unrealistic, especially with today's often hectic schedules, to expect others to keep their homes in the utmost perfect shape; as Mrs. Dunwoody's Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping again notes:
Homekeeping is an ongoing art, a process, not an end product. It will never be "all done". Bathrooms, clothes, and dishes, once clean, have a way of getting dirty again. But home is meant to be lived in, in the fullest, most potentially fulfilling way for everyone in it. That means that every room does not need to be picture perfect and waiting for a perfect display, but rather, each room has a sense of order and calmness to it. The home looks like someone lives there, without appearing messy or cluttered. There is an order and a method which is followed faithfully. There is a "place" for everything and everything is in its place.
In other words: At minimum the most visible areas of the environment should be considered clean according to at least the basic standards of cleanliness- and this cleanliness should be maintained so that they remain ready to welcome a person, especially a stranger, under even the most short notice or dire of circumstances.
And this does mean that one may also get away with skimping in many areas. Especially given that I often find an environment that is too clean is equally as uncomfortable and off-putting as an environment that is unkempt- albeit for very different reasons. Instead, I find that a balance without being completely dirty or immaculately clean is the most optimal and provides the largest amount of warmth and comfort for guests- and also for myself.
Ergo, knickknacks, the occasional (small) pile of laundry or dishes, and the like are perfectly acceptable to a point; a certain level of clutter and "lived-in" appearance isn't actually detrimental so long as it doesn't impact the actual functionality of the space, or the Hostess's ability to receive and entertain guests.
Laundry piled up on the couch in much need of folding, however, provides your guests with no place to sit. Likewise, if you are serving food, then a dirty kitchen makes it difficult to prepare and serve food in a timely manner- and a dirty dining room or living room likewise makes it difficult to eat. A dirty space in general also begins to smell, and a stale smelling or otherwise malodorous environment is off-putting to both yourself and your guests ... But not all rooms have to be maintained to such a clean standard- especially if there is little likelihood of the gusts visiting those rooms anyways.
Personally I'm not ashamed to say that in my own house it's only the Livingroom and Bathroom that are maintained to such standards. The Kitchen is truthfully only maintained because guests must pass directly through it in order to reach our bathroom in the first place- but even then I keep the curtain divider drawn when they are present, and I am more apt to stuff all of the dirty dishes in the oven and wipe the counters down 20 minutes before they arrive, than I am to actually clean the room in the same manner as like the other two. The rest of the rooms, however, are often a travesty that I would never willingly welcome a guest into. I take great care to keep the doors to those rooms shut or otherwise blocked off when guests are present. There's no reason for them to see those rooms anyways.
So no, immaculacy is certainly not necessary. But the fact honestly is that a truly dirty, unorganized environment isn't often one that offers pleasure- only discomfort and a lessened ability to navigate and attend to those needs of those you are hosting. Thus, at least basic personal and environmental hygiene becomes something that is honestly mandatory to participate in, and a necessary consideration for someone wishing to truly be hospitable.
Taking care of our home enables us all to feel nurtured and safe; it brings comfort and solace both in the fruits of our labor and in the freedom it affords to experience life to its fullest. It is important work, and others will suffer if you do not attend to it properly
For an audio transcript of this post, you can now listen on Youtube!